In 2006, I was with a well known baptist church from Cardiff on a weekend away up in Cefn Lea- a beautiful place up in the welsh hills. This particular time, the surrounding area was covered with snow and it was very slippery to walk around due to the icy cover! I even wrote a poem at that time because the sky was so clear and the stars were shining brightly, perfect for creative inspiration!
I recall feeling very emotional at the time and lay down in a snowy field, alone in the dark, looking up at the numerous stars. I was suffering intensely with depression at the time and, specifically on this holiday, I remember having a massive crush on this guy who (it seemed) just didn't notice my existance! I wondered around outside that night, ambling through a big snowy field from my chalet up towards the main building, I stopped. I raised my head and stared at the stars for a very long time. (my neck hurt!) My cloak didn't do much to prevent the cold, but I stubbornly stayed anyway, even lying down in the snow (crazy lozi!). I'll be honest, I was having a right old pity party- it spiralling from thinking how this guy doesn't even see me and then I started thinking that nobody sees me, nobody cares. Blah blah blah. PITY PARTIES ARE NOT A GOOD IDEA! :)
As a student, especcially a 1st year fresher, I was feeling intensely lonely. I didn't have friends that I had a long history with, sure I had friends, but I still felt this raw ache of isolation in my heart. I believe God was walking with me in that time, and still is, even if I couldn't see it in the moment.
I don't remember much from this weekend, except 3 things: the snow, the stars and this song, Calon Lân...
My first encounter with this beautiful song was on one of the evenings in the main building at Cefn Lea. A girl called Cath Woolridge sang this song in welsh, and I felt very strongly that the words had some meaning to me, that maybe God wanted to speak to me prophetically through the words. So then, i found out what the words meant...
I'd not ask a life that's easy
gold and pearls so little mean.
Rather seek a heart that's joyful,
heart that's honest, heart that's clean.
Heart that's clean and filled with virtue,
fairer far than lilies white.
Only pure hearts praise God truly,
praise Him all the day and night.
Pure heart.
Dawn and sunset, still i'm searching,
rising on a wing of song.
Give me Lord, through Christ my Saviour
that clean heart for which i long.
Heart that's clean and filled with virtue,
fairer far than lilies white.
Only pure hearts praise God truly,
praise Him all the day and night.
Pure heart.
(Here's a nicer version of the song by Only Boys Aloud:-)
After reading these words(or even before), I felt that God had placed a prayer in my heart and, at the end of that year, the Holy Spirit of the LORD came upon me in Cathays and healed me from depression. He spoke to me very clearly and it was from that point really that I can say that I took 'this God stuff' seriously. He has done so many amazing things for me, Jesus is very good.
So, it has been a lovely reminder, hearing this song on national tv lately. There's something special about welsh male voice choirs singing hymns...
Hebrews 12v2
[Let us fix our eyes on Jesus,
the author and perfecter of our
faith]
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