Excellence & Idols

I never want to be one of those people who passive aggressively, or even openly, shames past church communities in airing their faults and broken moments- painting them in a frozen state of disrepair and being an unneccessary stumbling block of offense for those reading on social media. 

I love the Church. I love Gods collection of followers. I love all the churches i've been blessed to learn from. His Bride is so beautiful. And being beautified (realistically, formed of messed up people on journeys of healing & restoration.)

So, in light of that, I wanted to pick out a moment from a community I was part of for a bit, (keeping them anonymous in an attempt to honour their dignity & hoping it relays the love I feel for them!)

Excellence.

Excellence is something I've been hearing a lot about in the christian circles I walk in at the moment.

By excellence, people who use the phrase are conveying the desire to do things really well, not sloppily or half-baked. Often in musical praise contexts, this has to do with the music being played musically well, not out of tune, but with skill, (as well as good sound equipment, set up and organisation being factored in too.) I agree with this, as far as the bible says to ['Worship the Lord God with all your mind, soul, body, spirit & strength'] meaning, to do everything well as an expression of worship.

I was part of a community for a season; a group who were so passionate about people, putting on many social events and connected with some incredible local charities. A large part of their talks were on inclusivity of others, diversity and community, things which are super important. I remember feeling so welcomed when, even after only visiting once, people remembered my name! :)

Sadly though, I noticed so much celebration of each other and talk about leisurely pursuits, but not so much a desire talk about Jesus Himself. Maybe not strange for non-church going communities, but for a christian community, that's kind of weird. 

The community, as far as my experience of it, were so passionate about doing community excellently, as well as big events done with efficiency (which they definitely did, and have such a strength in!) But it saddens me when excellence is actually a mask for the idolatry of others. And that's how I saw it.

I think there's an extent to how we can find out what our gods or idols are, what we worship, by what we enjoy talking about and are passionate about, (or what we sow our money into of course). I love to talk about Jesus. But i'm pretty aware I don't have it all together, and my walk with God is in refinement still. I also love music. Growing up in music, training everyday from 5yrs old at least, being a musician was such a centric thing to me, so it was a HUGE breakthrough when I realized at church one day that really, my identity is not as a musician. I'm not a musician in my being. I'm a child of God. 

I also love people. I love spending time with people. But when I pursue time with others more to gain intimacy, validation and affirmation, rather than God (who happens to be the perfection of Love) then that reveals an issue of idolatry and lack of trust. Which is what I guess i've been learning myself, as well as realizing that's been a sad issue in that christian community i spent time amongst. And I want to see that change. 

LUKE 10:27 

"He answered, "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"

The Oxford Leap

Oxford.

A notorious UK city known for it's intellectual intrigue and historical weight.

And one I didn't fully imagine I would be living in until recently...


Of the first books I devoured as a young child, Tolkien and CS Lewis's works in the form of The Hobbit and Narnia were among the top of the pile. I found myself lost within the woven narratives, the pictoral essence of imagination in a simplistic dream life. With this personal history of warm romanticism, as far as the fantasy lands created by such authors go, I suppose that Oxford by association was a similarly romantic city- one which inspired creative motivation.


In some ways Oxford has the potential to be a place of great sorrow for myself as, though I went onto Higher Education, for varying reasons I didn't finish my degree. My academic studies in school were somewhat sacrificed for musical pursuits, so in terms of a consideration for career options, I was in a state of despair and hurt at what was apparently snatched from me and the limitations I thought were a given for my life now. For the copious persons in this city of an intellectual nature, many with letters indicating education after their names, I could well find pain and intimidation here if I looked for it and unhealthily compared myself. However, I love studying & research, reading, and intellectual wonderings of etymological thoughts, so Oxford has become a place where I have the beautiful option of thankfulness, being amongst peers whose linguistic conversation satisfy something deep in me as both a poet and malnourished student.

Years later in post-student life, through some substantial season fields involving relational depth, lessons in love and varying forms of heart healing, I found myself involved with a first love ministry and casually went along to one of these worship events in Oxford (Burn 24/7 Oxford).

When walking into the Old Fire Station building, I didn't really have much vision into where i'd be in the future, but amidst an intense season (that very night a close relative nearly died) I saw a gathered community of Jesus lovers who did family really well and oozed the love of God.


I went to the next 'burn', and then the next, and found myself caught up into this beautiful community of expectant believers, some particular friendships that blew my mind in powerful ways and continue to do so. [I love you very dearly. You know who you are. :) ] I started looking for jobs in Oxford and found one, then ended up on this journey of house hunting, which, if you haven't experienced it yet, involves so much logistical motivation and perseverance!

Long story short, and I find myself in this charming, simplistic flat, a short walk from the city, close to stunning fields, adjacent to picturesque rivers and down the road from friends. I've had the honour of worshipping for hours on multiple pianos in nationally significant historic locations, being blessed by amateur chefs cooking yumminess, getting to pray for significant christians, spending time with peers again and losing weight through mere routine continuity. I am not taking this for granted one bit and continue to be truly amazed at what God is doing in my life.

Stepping out is scary. But my goodness there's nothing quite like that moment when the leap is taken and Jesus is so apparent in His strength and consistency, Such a rich blessing.

Take courage. Take a leap today.