The Disturbance of Old Covenantal Thinking

The half Autumnal evening approached the frontscreen of my car, driving in the direction of home (wherever that is considered to be).

The usual thoughts, scattered and sporadic, quickly came and went as my surroundings lent to me their associative memories. In the switching on of my CD player, a Christian Worship compilation album played, mid song, with the words: "Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord..."

And the theological contemplation gate swung wide upon! Words, thoughts and ideas sped out as I pondered the consideration; 'do we actually need to wait upon the Lord anymore?'.

I realized in the moment of the song playing, that it was probably a Psalm and so thus probably written by King David. (found out afterwards it was actually from Isaiah though David does mention waiting on God). I also realized that so much of our songs come from the Psalms, and in communities of Jesus followers we so often go to the Psalms, we so often use them as vehicles of expression to God.

In what follows, i'm not intending to demean King David, nor Isaiah, nor to speak against finding the Psalms useful... but I am wondering, i suppose, at the base of our theological assumptions, whether our view of our connection (or disconnection to God) is hindered by an unhealthy leaning on the Psalms.  If we are followers of Jesus, and therefore living in the new covenant (temple curtain torn/God with us/filled with the Spirit of the Lord) should our conversations with God be more than Davids conversations with Him?

I really do actually find the Psalms to be a real aid. I really do. Really.
David uses poetry and praise in word form, expressing both joy and depths of despair, so it's almost no surprise to be encouraged by these snapshots. And Jesus does say in 2 Timothy 3:16 "All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness".

My hesitation, or wondering, i suppose... is something around the area of Old Covenant versus New Covenant. I see many characters from the Old Testament being revered and whole sermon series being crafted around such individuals- even to the point of saying we should be like them. And I can't deny or affirm a generalized group of individuals I haven't specifically named, BUT, I feel a little hesitant in those moments, when Jesus Himself is put on the backburner as role model. I just...I find it disturbing.

If we are indeed Jesus followers, a people so entranced by the Divine Maker, given to Him and hungering to do His works, do we listen to His call to be like Him? To do the things He did and greater? Do we realize that is a wider picture than one part? Do we know that we are in a different position than before when we are face to face with God? Yes He is holy. But He is also our Father. We get to know Him in His complexities. We have that privelege, NOT by anything we have done, of course not, but it is all by His kindness and grace that we get the opportunity to enjoy intimacy with Him.

I heard someone once say, "isn't God actually the One waiting for us rather than the other way round?" We live in an age where the Holy Spirit has been poured out. We are not in a world where Gods voice was heard occasionally through picked out prophets in different generations. We get to have the Spirit of God living inside of us. That's like pretty crazy?! 

And so, recognising the now-and-not-yet aspect of the kingdom of God, I just wonder whether we're missing out on a fuller picture of our relationship with God, and it's outworking in the world, when we build our picture of christianity out of the old covenant and its treasured, though broken, human adventurers.

Keep Calm and Do NOT fear

I guess there'll be countless versions of this sort of blog post, and of course there would be.
Today appears to be one of those unusually significant days of change. Yet history shows numerous versions of these kind of days.

I don't think I could have known, even with all the facts, the best way to vote in the decision to whether the UK stays in the EU or not. So in a way, I don't think it matters to share which way I voted. That said, the way things have turned out means that today has a different feel.

People seem to be feeling fear and unrest.
I'm doing alright though. And here's why.

My home is heaven. When I chose to follow Jesus I acknowledged my true home which is with God; the One who created everything. And so any country I live in is seen in its temporal setting.
I still see myself as European and part of Europe I suppose regardless of voting outcomes.

What happens onwards from today, I guess we don't know. But fear isn't going to do anything helpful. So let's tally ho and pack up our troubles in our old kit bag and give 'em to Jesus.

Ok?

Good.

God is still on His throne.

The Burn

Burn 24/7. A strong title. Sometimes comprehended in mixed ways by those harbouring hurt and misunderstandings, but in its simplicity is paralellic to the vast and crazy expressions of love e.g. "I burn with a passion for you!" or "i'm enflamed with an obsession of love!!!" What are known often as 'burns' (as far as those connected with the Burn 24/7 movement) are gatherings of folk filled with a love for Jesus, and who are raising up a song of love to Him as our Lord and Saviour.

I found myself hosting a 'burn' in Reading for just over a year. I never really wanted to lead anything though if i'm honest. Having reluctantly ran my Uni christian union for a year where it seemed nobody else would, I somehow stumbled across a similar situation with the Burn.

I was waving cars off at the end of David's Tent festival, smiling with tired eyes to the buzzing wanderers, when a friend paused his car and said "let's have a burn in Reading!". Having seen so many people start with an idea and then drop it quickly for something else, I responded with excitement but within held myself back. If this was something I was going to do, I wanted to really commit and run with it well.

The weeks went on and I kept wondering. For that past year I had wanted to do something new, step out in a fresh way, and was praying that God would show me what to do but I heard nothing specific. I wondered whether this 'burn' idea was His doing, as far as Him wanting me to step out in faith and 'have a go'. In amongst those thoughts I also realized that I had long dreamt & yearned that Reading would have a 24/7 Prayer Room open for public use. I'd heard since that dream of the 'Boiler Room' which had been something like that connected with 24/7 Prayer, but if it still existed in any form today, it was hidden from all social media and obvious church connections. I googled quite a bit!

As an idea started to birth, I realized that I really wanted to see a cross church worship thing in Reading. Something that was free, not restricted or owned by one church, and something of a monthly space to praise Jesus as God together vocally, with shouts, words, dance, song and art.

I'd experienced one expression of prayer in the monastic way of quiet contemplation, and found it a helpful guide to interacting with God in the day. But 'burn', and my heart for praise particularly, was more about a coming together of Jesus followers to vocally raise up praise to Him. Regardless of whether people could sing or dance or not. Just to say or shout or sing or express "You ARE worthy!"

So. I took a step.

Meetings were had. Vision was shared. Administrative niggly bits were embraced. Marketing and social media and all sorts.

We launched using a downstairs room of a church on the Oxford Rd in Reading. Lots of things went a bit 'wrong' and I had a revelation on the cost of leadership in the kingdom. The room was fairly packed and some kind friends (and friends of friends) helped lead the sets. A lady unhelpfully started telling me lots of negative stuff that evening (you know the kind; the highly spiritual 'intecessory' lady who thinks shes being helpful because she's sharing everything she knows because she's so spiritually aware). It was distracting and rather depressing and I couldn't feel Gods prescence. Which was weird for me. Like really weird. And everyone around me seemed to be digging the whole evening. Which was good, and encouraging.

After that very intensive night, so much energy being put into plugging this launch, I realized that this was a marathon and not a sprint, and woops how on earth do I sustain this kind of cray cray marketing epicness every month. I mean. I had a day job. And little to none money to spend. And it turns out, that most churches we found charged money to hire out a room for a few hours to sing to Jesus in. Let alone the dream of 24hrs a month. And i was not getting paid by anyone to do this. It was coming out of me and my friends bank account. So we had to really want to do this.

Some twists and turns occurred and my friend had life stuff that changed some things, which meant the 2 1/2 of us running the Burn were down to 1. I wanted to see what would happen if I kept going and if there was any other crazy locals who had caught this vision of praising Jesus for innumerable hours, and I found some.

The Burn in Reading that year ranged from mini burns in a closet sized 24/7 prayer room with a 2 people, to 7 of us from different churches in a HUGE town centre church that cost too much to mention, to perhaps 30 people coming in and out of a 12hr burn that October. These were not meetings to encounter God (though we often experienced very profound deep moments together with the Lord). First and foremost the standing together praising Jesus regardless of whether we felt like it or not, this was something entirely helpful; theologically, experientially and spiritually. Isn't He worthy of praise whether we feel the tingle of delight from Him, the wordless holiness of His face or not? And yet we welcome the hunger to meet with Him profoundly. We're not anti-hunger, merely pro-praise.

I remember praising Jesus at burns in a Brethren church, Anglican churches, Non-Denominational, a 24/7 Prayer Room, a friends house and my own house.

Having realized that alot of admin went into sustaining this, at the very least the booking of a venue, finding people to play (who also actually loved Jesus and got the vision of just praising Him because He's worthy- not a performance and not 'trying' to lead but leading by actually praising in worship), letting people know, and planning the next place so that people would know where it would be next month...and that was the minimum...I found things hard to sustain just me. It wasn't that there weren't people to help or willing to pitch in. But as far as someone else who really got the vision and was carrying it with a commitment to doing it each month, I was still in hope that i'd find that person/those persons. :)

I carried this for a year and due to burn out paused the public burns in Reading, in the realization that I can't (nor do I want to) do this if it's not an expression of family, and the hope that someone would appear and pick up where I left off. I also had felt the Lord speak to me about moving to Oxford for a year (though i was quite argumentative in this suggestion). And so I ended up in Oxford, and started helping out a little with the Burn there.

I went through a period of thinking running with the Burn in Reading had been such a waste (of time, energy and money) and that God hadn't really told me to do it specifically. However since those thoughts He reminded me that I did in fact count it an act of worship to sacrifice to much for Him, and so did He, even though nobody else knew or few saw the sacrifice. And even though hundreds didn't come and barely any of the pastors I spoke to seemed interested in such a thing, still it was something the Lord counted as precious to Him and that it was bringing change in Reading. So I took His correction and carried on with life transitions & the drama of the Oxford journey.

And just recently, not that I assume any or much correlation, I heard of hundreds in Reading coming to Jesus in intrigue, delight and wonder. And it makes me wonder....

The Step Out: Lies vs Truth

Sat in the uniquely generic mason-jarred cafes, this city gives the usual allure of refined ascension.

 I've been forced to confront in myself the spinning spiritual climate, where the voices over this land speak competitive discontent, misplaced strokings of the ego & distractive idolatry in varying forms.

Often we find ourselves hearing the unspoken lies in our minds, yet so quickly fall to the assumption that these lies are, in fact, our own truths. And thus they stay, unchallenged. However, when such destructive words, fueled by the spiritual forces that seek division, are realized for what they are: outward spirits of torment rather than inward realities of who we are, we may find a peace. Even more so when we have solid truth to replace such lies.

Life in Oxford so far has been one of challenge for me. This year has been full-on, with a close friend passing away, illness hitting me on and off, including over the entirety of Christmas and New Year, spiritual forces of darkness having little digs now and then, supernatural deliverance, as well as disappointment trying to get in when the state of physically feeling ill challenged my ability to make music as I know i've been called to. Not to mention (but doing so) the challenge of community in a new city when everyone else is going through their own personal battles.

All year I've been desiring to make good foundations here and invest well into friendships (something I really feel quite weak in), yet in the furore of sickness have found even the ability to uphold conversation with others or interact much pretty difficult. In this i'm under the impression that those around me have detected an essence of reserve which may have been mistaken for unfriendliness, which is really not the case. But so it is and I continue to figure out the journey of horizontal connection. (I make this distinct from the vertical divine connection with the Lord).

The bizarre thing is, regardless of the sickness, life situations and so on, I can still find peace and rest when worshiping Jesus; singing love songs of honour to Him or simply lying down listening to worship music (for example). It is such a blessing to be able to, in the middle of physical sickness in my body, be able to know divine refreshment from Jesus, and is such a kind gift. Sometimes i've experienced sudden healing and physical strength (praise the Lord!) and other times it's been partial. (I make no assumptions in this moment for the theology of healing in this case. If you're interested in pondering the subject of suffering further, there's a great teaching day on May 7th in London run by the prestigious Oxford Centre for Christian Apologetics aka OCCA)

I've been so encouraged by the OCCA, using highly respected speakers, professors and theologians to equip the public with tools to seek the truth of life. Whilst their weighty degrees and awards give them great gravitas in the academic world, for me what is even weightier is their faith in Jesus and honour of the Presence of God. This sets them apart from generic philosophical groups, conjuring up abstract concepts of what truth is solely from their own mind. But I do very much appreciate the OCCA in its unrelenting quest to seek to truth and address real objections people have to Jesus, God, His goodness or the problem of evil (as a taster).

This wasn't initially intended to be a plug for the Why Series, but i'd love to challenge you, if you are a seeker of truth and what is real, please do check out the Why event at St Mary's Church, Bryanston Square, London.

:)

Excellence & Idols

I never want to be one of those people who passive aggressively, or even openly, shames past church communities in airing their faults and broken moments- painting them in a frozen state of disrepair and being an unneccessary stumbling block of offense for those reading on social media. 

I love the Church. I love Gods collection of followers. I love all the churches i've been blessed to learn from. His Bride is so beautiful. And being beautified (realistically, formed of messed up people on journeys of healing & restoration.)

So, in light of that, I wanted to pick out a moment from a community I was part of for a bit, (keeping them anonymous in an attempt to honour their dignity & hoping it relays the love I feel for them!)

Excellence.

Excellence is something I've been hearing a lot about in the christian circles I walk in at the moment.

By excellence, people who use the phrase are conveying the desire to do things really well, not sloppily or half-baked. Often in musical praise contexts, this has to do with the music being played musically well, not out of tune, but with skill, (as well as good sound equipment, set up and organisation being factored in too.) I agree with this, as far as the bible says to ['Worship the Lord God with all your mind, soul, body, spirit & strength'] meaning, to do everything well as an expression of worship.

I was part of a community for a season; a group who were so passionate about people, putting on many social events and connected with some incredible local charities. A large part of their talks were on inclusivity of others, diversity and community, things which are super important. I remember feeling so welcomed when, even after only visiting once, people remembered my name! :)

Sadly though, I noticed so much celebration of each other and talk about leisurely pursuits, but not so much a desire talk about Jesus Himself. Maybe not strange for non-church going communities, but for a christian community, that's kind of weird. 

The community, as far as my experience of it, were so passionate about doing community excellently, as well as big events done with efficiency (which they definitely did, and have such a strength in!) But it saddens me when excellence is actually a mask for the idolatry of others. And that's how I saw it.

I think there's an extent to how we can find out what our gods or idols are, what we worship, by what we enjoy talking about and are passionate about, (or what we sow our money into of course). I love to talk about Jesus. But i'm pretty aware I don't have it all together, and my walk with God is in refinement still. I also love music. Growing up in music, training everyday from 5yrs old at least, being a musician was such a centric thing to me, so it was a HUGE breakthrough when I realized at church one day that really, my identity is not as a musician. I'm not a musician in my being. I'm a child of God. 

I also love people. I love spending time with people. But when I pursue time with others more to gain intimacy, validation and affirmation, rather than God (who happens to be the perfection of Love) then that reveals an issue of idolatry and lack of trust. Which is what I guess i've been learning myself, as well as realizing that's been a sad issue in that christian community i spent time amongst. And I want to see that change. 

LUKE 10:27 

"He answered, "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"

The Oxford Leap

Oxford.

A notorious UK city known for it's intellectual intrigue and historical weight.

And one I didn't fully imagine I would be living in until recently...


Of the first books I devoured as a young child, Tolkien and CS Lewis's works in the form of The Hobbit and Narnia were among the top of the pile. I found myself lost within the woven narratives, the pictoral essence of imagination in a simplistic dream life. With this personal history of warm romanticism, as far as the fantasy lands created by such authors go, I suppose that Oxford by association was a similarly romantic city- one which inspired creative motivation.


In some ways Oxford has the potential to be a place of great sorrow for myself as, though I went onto Higher Education, for varying reasons I didn't finish my degree. My academic studies in school were somewhat sacrificed for musical pursuits, so in terms of a consideration for career options, I was in a state of despair and hurt at what was apparently snatched from me and the limitations I thought were a given for my life now. For the copious persons in this city of an intellectual nature, many with letters indicating education after their names, I could well find pain and intimidation here if I looked for it and unhealthily compared myself. However, I love studying & research, reading, and intellectual wonderings of etymological thoughts, so Oxford has become a place where I have the beautiful option of thankfulness, being amongst peers whose linguistic conversation satisfy something deep in me as both a poet and malnourished student.

Years later in post-student life, through some substantial season fields involving relational depth, lessons in love and varying forms of heart healing, I found myself involved with a first love ministry and casually went along to one of these worship events in Oxford (Burn 24/7 Oxford).

When walking into the Old Fire Station building, I didn't really have much vision into where i'd be in the future, but amidst an intense season (that very night a close relative nearly died) I saw a gathered community of Jesus lovers who did family really well and oozed the love of God.


I went to the next 'burn', and then the next, and found myself caught up into this beautiful community of expectant believers, some particular friendships that blew my mind in powerful ways and continue to do so. [I love you very dearly. You know who you are. :) ] I started looking for jobs in Oxford and found one, then ended up on this journey of house hunting, which, if you haven't experienced it yet, involves so much logistical motivation and perseverance!

Long story short, and I find myself in this charming, simplistic flat, a short walk from the city, close to stunning fields, adjacent to picturesque rivers and down the road from friends. I've had the honour of worshipping for hours on multiple pianos in nationally significant historic locations, being blessed by amateur chefs cooking yumminess, getting to pray for significant christians, spending time with peers again and losing weight through mere routine continuity. I am not taking this for granted one bit and continue to be truly amazed at what God is doing in my life.

Stepping out is scary. But my goodness there's nothing quite like that moment when the leap is taken and Jesus is so apparent in His strength and consistency, Such a rich blessing.

Take courage. Take a leap today.

Bloody Boundaries!

[Shocker expletive snippet with a perusal deeper into it.]

As many of my creative lightening moments arrive whilst taking a shower, this similar thought of "Bloody Boundaries" popped into my conciousness. The thought flashes zinged & zapped their forward motions in parallel with the ebb&flow of liquid H20. 

Beginning to ponder on boundaries, at least within the church culture; applying wisdom to relational connections. Maybe blood has something to do with boundaries after all?

{life is in the blood} Leviticus 17v14

Does life dictate my healthy boundary lines?

When I connect with a friend, is my first approach to give or take?

Do I operate out of a place of lack or full abundance to overflow?

If Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life, then is He my boundary guide in wisdom?

My friends and I often have a quirky injoke of linguistics, where within the prose verbalized lay essences of wonder. A portion being the discussion of 'how do we flee from sin and keep our thoughtlife pure'? (because we are aware we are able to do this in Christ) If I struggle with being friends with men then how do I embrace my male friends in a way that does not avoid the issue, presses onward to healing? Loving them well in a place of boldness & freedom but staying in wisdom...

I think blood is the answer. By which I mean Jesus' blood- its symbolic and true place as an expression of deep love.

These accumulative words are a journeying of wondering. I wonder how to keep boundaries bloody. :) 

Intense Two Tents

The year of 2013 is still an untouchable one in the recalling for me, at least where the festival of Davids Tent is concerned. [you ever have those moments where to even breathe of them is akin to breaking the fresh morning mist?] But then again, there was this year..

Practically this year I co-lead or assisted in leading the Car Park team alongside an amazing Kingdom brother from Germany. I experienced the best team work i've ever seen in my life- we had an amazing team of Team Builders who worked so well together and who I am still blown away by in terms of how they through themselves into their roles. I can't recall any moaning, and any challenges individuals in the team were met with were responded to with such grace and humility. #sobeautiful

Physically I found it a challenge too, mainly because, as a woman, there are, shall we say, certain regular seasons that bring changes in the body which can cause discomfort, pain and lethargy. None of which I was keen on experiencing whilst sharing a tent at the bottom of a hill and having to cover a lot of ground each day across the fields. So knowing that exercise was a winning antidote to the cramps and pain, I threw myself into constant movement and walking a lot, perhaps to an excess.

But in the midst of all that, what a week!

It was a wonderful thing to be amongst nature all the time- to see the birds of the air, the trees, the insects- feeling the rain, the wind and the sun on my skin. It was so good to be connected to creation. And the fact that God had spoken beforehand on what to expect in our little field was also exciting. To see what He had pretold us happen before our eyes was a special thing indeed.

It wasn't all fluffy or smooth sailing, but actually there was a real depth and beauty in that place of messiness. Because of course, it's easy to love and be bold and not fear when in a safe and unchallenging environment. But in the different challenges and moments I encountered the very real peace of God, and His favour was very apparent to me. He is very good. 

The sounds wafting from the main tent of meeting

songs anointed sung, releasing

momentary glory glimpse.

I stand and listen

ears alert to hear the noise

and there it is-

the recognition.

Air turned upside down and over

atmosphere transformed again:

the thin place I reside in, 

tasting heaven here.

Our United Kingdom family,

hope has come for you. 

Sing A New Song

This started out as a thought, turned into a partially written Facebook status, and then phlomphed itself over to a blogpost due to the expansion of thoughts.

The Psalms burst forth with multiple verses of praise, and I've increasingly noticed there's multiple inclusions of 'sing to the LORD a new song'. 

Psalm 33v3 Sing to him a new song; play skillfully on the strings, with loud shouts

Psalm 40v3 He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the LORD

Psalm 96v1 Sing to the LORD a new song; sing to the LORD, all the earth.

Psalm 98v1 Sing to the LORD a new song, for he has done marvelous things; his right hand and his holy arm have worked salvation for him.

Psalm 144v9 I will sing a new song to you, my God; on the ten-stringed lyre I will make music to you

Psalm 149v1 Praise the LORD. Sing to the LORD a new song, his praise in the assembly of his faithful people

In the past i've been involved with varying circles of christians who have different ideas when it comes to 'new songs'

1. Stalwart Ye Oldes: Amongst this group any songs from the 1970's are considered new, which, let's be honest, is a fair comprehension when the normal musical praise vehicles are hymns from past centuries. I've seen that often amongst this particular group, there has been a great regard for tradition and historical hymn writers, a respect & honour for those gone before. 
2. The Organized & Prethoughts: This collective are keen to include new songs into church worship, both from other people and ones written by themselves. The method is very structured and well planned, with musical meetings, spider diagrams and strategic ideas into how to gradually incorporate the songs one-by-one into worship so as not to overwhelm members of the congregation. It's encouraging to see a keen inclusivity to the rest of the church.
3. Spontaneous & Haphazard: These assorted people have an enthusiastic, creative and often prophetic flare, bursting with new songs all the time. I've witnessed this type of christian sing for hours and hours with spontaneous, made up on the spot songs from the heart, which are generally authentic & fresh. Sometimes there may be a mixture of old songs within the worship, depending on the way it goes. The culture around this way of 'doing worship' is such that there is an expectation, nay assumption, of the spontaneous. To those whose worship culture has been nurtured in a different way, this may be met with a range of reactions. 

Regardless of what grouping we gravitate towards, in light of the Word encouraging us to sing new songs to God, I believe it's important that we make space to be authentic in praise, not just using other peoples songs (though of course it can be helpful in different situations) but also bringing fresh declarations of praise & thankfulness for what God has specifically done in our lives. It is also important that we help cultivate a culture in our influencial spheres of creativity, as opposed to the consumeristic nature of 'give give give!' which has pervaded many areas of the established church. It is no surprise then to see some church worship services being more akin to entertainment & musical professionalism than a fostering of the empowerment culture. Surely we need to be encouraging others to take responsibility for how they bring their hearts to God, rather than wait for a worship team to tell them what to do. #passionateloversofJesus #restorehearts #wakeupChurch

For those who know me well, you'll know my preference when it comes to the mix of organization and spontaneity, but for sure we can learn from each of these groups. I've actually realized though, that whether it be ancient hymns, super organized or wild & spontaneous, it all comes down to the heart.

A heart softened to the LORD is able to come before Him with an attitude of worship and praise in any circumstance, willing to put aside musical or denominational preferences and praise God simply because He is worthy. 

Mission Trip Holidays

#missiontrips 

The thinly disguised holidays, labelled as 'mission trips', are a sad sign of the hunger and poverty of spirit in those who have been weighed down and battered by the consumeristic culture, where those who live on little and off the grid are considered homeless hippies, dirty beggars or simply untrustworthy, so we feel the constant pressure to escape these labels.

Nothing wrong with going somewhere abroad, but let's not pretend. Let's call out what it is really; us needing a break from the unpleasant & meaningless firstworld pressures. Getting connected with the earth and nature again. Engaging socially with others without the use of all our technological wizardry. 

And mission is a lifestyle, we can do it anywhere, not just exotic locations that require jabs. 

creative writing #1

There was a subtle suggestion of dread as her birthday leaned close. For the 364 days that had gone past, still no affection had been showered upon her; neither hug sprinkled, nor love daubed. The blaring anniversary of her birth only served as a reminder of the bygone years, lying barren in memory. For what use was a one time gathering of gentil acquaintances when thrice hundred more days offered no repetition? The cakeday marker for this girl was not a sign of a life full, but a mockery of her loss. 

Come to Davids Tent 2014!

In 2012 I went to this small festival called Davids Tent, expecting it to be pretty much like any other christian festival: a bit of worship with maybe a few Holy Spirit tingles and some interesting testimonies from some of the christian celebrity peeps who were there.

Oh my goodness, was I in for a kick up the bum!

It literally was like going into hyperspace. I stepped into that small, unassuming looking white tent and everything i thought i knew about what worship is, and can look like, was blown to smithereens. Nobody cared what the person next to them was doing, literally all inhibitions were gone (in the best sense), and people were dancing like nutters, jumping around singing at the top of the voice, whilst others were lying out on the floor, reading their bibles. So much freedom. There was this sense of not having to do anything, but just be real with God. Some wanted to rest in His presence, others sang, and I really wanted to dance.

*

I was beautifully caught up into that fearless atmosphere, and praised as I was always burning to, dancing like a nutter, and enjoying it (bear in mind i did not dance before that, not even on my own). My game was raised in terms of what I realized Jesus is owed, not just in that moment but in the rest of my life. I also made a bunch of friends there, and have witnessed their lives change in amazing ways e.g. increased boldness on the streets, favour in their jobs, healed from sickness, seeing more people taste the goodness of God etc. I've even seen a friend of mine since Davids Tent 2012 preach on a plane. Like, to the whole plane. Yeah. Legit.

Of course, God can meet us anywhere, but there also is something so beautiful about coming together as family to just praise Jesus and not be rushing off to do anything else for a few days. (Pray and ask God whether you should come).

This is not just another festival, or another worship meeting- this actually is a chance to come together with others from around the UK & beyond and praise the LORD because He is worthy. And it's pretty much inevitable that you'll get blessed and have your life changed forever. But ultimately we're gathering because we love Jesus and He's so worthy.


*Click on the banner to get to the Davids Tent website for more information and tickets

Eternal Life: Really?

I was driving back home the other day when, in amongst the post-work thoughts and processing, I came to pondeer* on the subject of eternal life.

Eternal life.

Life that never ends.

This is a classic phrase used within the christian community and is even mentioned in the bible, and is of a positive connotation. However, i recalled on that day, those moments where I have spoken to people about the concept of eternal life and they are completely put off by it, as if I have just suggested they drink sewage.

"But eternal life is great!" you cry. Yes, yes it really is. When we know that God is good and Jesus came to bring life in abundance, the news that we get to be in eternity with Him is literally awesome.

Unfortunately though, the idea of life for some is not a positive one. You hear of people using the word 'life' in such phrases as 'back to life, back to reality' or 'you need to get on with life' in a negative way, where drudgery is expected and boredom assumed. An eternal comprehension of life, where the life experienced is one of foul shots, abuse and robotic duties is undoubtedly not a fun one.

If that is what life is, trust me, i don't want an eternity of it either.

Praise God that when Jesus talks about life, He mentions:

• ecstatic joy 
• peace
• freedom
• wholeness (from the word shalom)
• real, selfless love
• kindness

If heavenly eternity when I give my life over to Christ is like that, I want in.






*I wanted to spell it this way. I like how it sounds. 

What was David's Tent 2012?

I still daren't post on what happened at this years David's Tent. Unlike any other exciting event or occurence in life, though it blew me away, it was such a holy experience that I don't really feel comfortable to fully comment on it for a while. There are plenty of blogs at the moment where you can read about it though by Mark, Allan and Sarah. (click the names to read their summaries on this year).

As for 2012 however...
I never thought to imagine a reality of being able to dance in worship. I would think things like "this isn't for me" and "i'm called to sing, dancing is great for others". I liked the idea of dancing, don't get me wrong, but it wasn't for me. I didn't even dance in the privacy of my own home when nobody was watching, let alone in public! A friend of mine in February of 2012 told me that there was dance coming for me, that i'd be dancing more. I thought it was a lovely word, but I didn't get any goosebumps when I heard this.

In April I went to a student and young adults conference which was exciting in many different ways. One of the topics someone spoke on was saying no to fear, and I felt that I needed to take some kind of active participation by stepping out against fear. As soon as the talk ended they invited people to come and sign up for a talent show (something I would never actually offer to do!) and yet I felt that this was a perfect opportunity to step out in faith. So I signed up, told my friends I was going to do it, then realized I couldn't chicken out now they knew I had committed to performing! The gig came and went, and I felt that it was a significant step. The day after I got back from the conference I had this song 'London's Burning' stuck in my head. It came from nowhere in particular I thought- I hadn't watched any fire related tv programs, nor was London especially on my radar.

Then, the day afterwards a magazine came through my door. I flicked through in nonchalantly, and then came to the back page. In huge, bold letters, it said 'LONDONS BURNING 2012'. Long story short, I ended up going to this camp thing called David's Tent.

In May of 2012 I arrived rather late to this christian camp, after getting a little bit lost somewhere on the A283. The weather was beautiful, it was hot, the fields were green and I was going to spend some time with my friend on her birthday. I'm not really sure I had any expectations for the weekend I was there. I was looking forward to hearing Shawn Bolz speak as well as listening to Jason Upton leading worship, and imagined it would be quite good. As soon as I stepped foot into that white tent, I was hit by a sense of "is this even allowed?!" What blew me away was the amazing freedom from *fear of man in the place. The visual possibilities of freedom manifested and paraded in front of my eyes. *fear of man: being restricted by fear of what other people will think of you. Basically being more aware of self than God.

I realized even in those moments of walking into the tent, that this had been the wordless cry of my heart. I had not prayed specifically for such a thing to happen, but I knew whilst being there that I had hungered to be amongst people who had an open passion to keep God the main focus of every part of their lives, to worship and praise God for hours and to have the unhurried facilities to deliberately listen to what God wanted to say to me. In those few days I was there, I found myself actually dancing as I praised God! In public as well! And, this has continued throughout the year, not just for that particular event. I can see my friend's word coming to pass, though I had no real intentions initially of partnering with that word.

I think, you know, i'm just coming into that freedom of being able to express what I really want to express before God. Rather than accepting the apparent cultural norms of emotional constipation, I am being released from that absurdity. Rather than being assigned to church 'mooing'* for the rest of my life, I am being released to shout and cry out and bear my soul before the LORD, and be open and honest with Him both privately and publically. *when rather than saying 'amen' or 'good word', the mooer goes 'mmm' with various levels of enthusiasm. It sounds like mooing to me. Note: I often moo in church. lol 

"Wakey, Wakey!"

Random Band #1

It's become a bit of a thing now.

I have been frequently stumbling across seemingly 'random' bands' lately. And by 'random', I mean unintentionally discovering bands via the internet who I had no previous knowledge of. Sometimes it's a bit like finding treasure in a haystack. (yes I'm aware that's a garbled metaphor) :)


The first I've decided to feature, in what looks to be a regular blog sub-genre, is this Australian band called The Rapids.

The Rapids.

This song 'The Phillip, The Hawk' has a pretty mellow indie flavour, unsurprisingly as they do label themselves as an Indie band. It has an interesting, spoken-type lyrical moment with repetitive lyrics that seem well thought out in terms of their placement within the song. It actually really aids the song, making it more memorable. For those of you that have heard of the band Switchfoot, there does seem to be a similar vibe vocally between Jamie Timony (vocalist of The Rapids) and Jon Foreman. And, according to my ears, they seem to wear a sprinkling of David Bowie.

The drumming in this track sounds really clean, and surprisingly isn't boring. And maybe it's just me, but i'm sure I heard some tambourine feature here! Very impressed by the creativity in that choice- this band definitely wins hipster points just for that!

Lyrically I found that there was an element of adventure coupled with frustration. I'm intrigued by whoever 'Phillip' is. Is he the hawk? Is he a personification of something? I'm so confused, but so curious! Here's a snippet of some of the lyrics:

"I swing through trees and fire escapes.."

"Buttoning down a shirt and staring in the mirror,

flying in circles and not getting any younger"

Having only just heard them today, I would like to look more into their lyrics. (I'm a big lyricist and poetry lover!) I would also like to know how long they've been writing together, because I feel like a lot of the songs i've heard of theirs have great potential musically. Whilst not a totally sold-out indie chick, I do appreciate nearly all genres of music, so, whilst part of me did want there to be a mash-up-dubstep-remix-hard-rock build, I still think (as a musician) this song at least has been well thought out.

Musical News & Aloha from Purkle

 As the progression of time goes forward, here's some news: my friend wrote a cool review on my album (Thanks Flo!) You should check out her blog, she's a great writer :)

<--my friend Flo. Such a legend! :)







I've recorded some new songs which have some backing vocals to them...

1. 'Deeper In' (my first experiment adding harmonies to a track)
2. 'A Song for Penny' (trying to stick pennies on walls, if anything, reminds me of persistence even in impossible situations)
3. 'Bay of Possibility' (I wrote this looking at my map of the world, particularly the oceans)

• I also bought a partially pink, partially purple ukelele (apparently pronounced oo-keh-le-le rather than you-keh-le-le). I've named him 'Purkle'. Or maybe he's a she? I've not really decided. If the instrument were a cello she would obviously be a lady, but this one is a little ambiguous. 

Baby Purkle says Aloha. Obviously he's Hawaiainaian....how do you spell that word?

A New Album

So, I've released a new album. It's my first proper one, so please be gentle! That said, I quite like the track 'Buried Treasure', mainly because it's the kind of song where I can just let loose with my voice and do all of that Christina Aguilera wiggly stuff! :) 

LoziB's album LUMINO

Fivefold Ministries- what on earth does that mean?!

Fivefold Ministries. Initially thoughts on this phrase through guesswork would be that these are 5 types of ministries. 5 types of ways to minister to people?


I was reading a book by Danny Silk called the 'Culture of Honor'. Yes, it is by an American, but I would implore you not to make any unnecessary assumptions based on their culture! I say this because i've met a few people who have been quite anti-American for some reason. As for me, I think we can learn things from other cultures and I appreciate the enthusiasm that American culture seems to have. Tangent! Anyway, I was reading this book and came to a section that was talking about the 'fivefold ministries'.


I had heard this mentioned a few days before at a wedding and didn't think much of it, as i just hadn't really heard the phrase much as i recall. The church family that i'm currently part of is part of a group of churches that talk a lot about 'apostolic spheres' and so there was an element of familiarity in the term relating to apostles. But apart from that i'm not sure i was familiar with 'fivefold ministries'.


The chapter in 'Culture of Honor' included this verse from the historical document written by a guy called Paul to the church at Ephesus. It reads as follows:


Ephesians 4 verse 11 "Now these are the gifts Christ gave to the church: the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, and the pastors and teachers."

I was particularly struck by how Danny went into and explained the different roles people in leadership of churches have. It was interesting to explore and think about what a diverse team encompassing all these roles would look like and how it would affect a church family. 

Today it has got me thinking about diversity. I have heard much teaching on how important diversity is and how imperative it is to spend quality time with people who are not like me. Whilst i believe this is true in the sense that I must be loving all people and stepping out of my comfort zone, i don't think that diversity in and of itself is something to be pursued. I mean, I believe that diversity is a a byproduct of radical love, rather than a pursuit in and of itself. If I am loving like Jesus, then the outworking of that will not just be me loving people who i like, who are interested in the same things as me etc. But that divine overflow of knowing Gods love and thus being able to love everyone as God does will have a natural diverse nature. I believe our first focus should be God, as Jesus is recorded saying "love the LORD your God with all your heart, soul, strength and mind. Love your neighbour as yourself."

Anyways,  I highly recommend this book. Culture of Honor, by Danny Silk. Buy it, borrow it, read it. It may change how you think about dealing with confrontation, conflict, leadership and Americans. ;) Jokes aside, I think this is a great book for any person; spiritual, religious or not at all. It does have some church stuff in there, but it's way more to it than that and I reckon it could impact you, whoever you are.

{The same sun shines on us all, we can bask in it, we can feel it's prescence. If we could touch it we would die. If we look at it straight on, it could blind us. Because of the sun, things continue to grow and it awakens nature with each new day. Just as the sun does this, so there are parallels with God. Or rather, God is the truest 'sun' and the sun is but a creative shadow of the One who made it. God keeps me going through His son Jesus.}

[Sacramento River, California, USA]


















                                                                                    [Dinton Lake, Wokingham, UK]                            

What is Soaking?

In some christian circles there is a term known as 'soaking'. Check out this website that has a lighthearted duck called Phil that will talk you through the basics! Phil the Super Soaker 

 'Soaking Music' has a meditative flavour, and some christians feel a bit uncomfortable with this because it seems like it's New Age or Paganistic.

What I understand/experience soaking to be, is resting in God. I find that in this culture I feel the pressure to be so busy doing so much stuff, that I find it hard to stop. I've discovered soaking, resting, chilling with my heavenly Father to be neccesary for my sanity! It is, as it were, pretty much like what is known in the wider christian world as 'quiet time'. 'Quiet Time' being a time set aside for stopping and praying, reading the bible, listening to what God has to say and remembering afresh what Jesus has done for us. Soaking, as I comprehend it, is essentially the same thing, with perhaps more of an emphasis on receiving from God rather than talking at Him, if that makes sense! So often we can bring requests and shopping lists to God and just don't turn our listening ears on. It depends where you're at I suppose, on whether it's helpful for you or not. It may not be for everyone, but I certainly find it helpful.

I believe it's about balance too.
For example, if I'm listening to alot of theologically wordy worship songs, that's great, but sometimes it feels like i'm not really connecting with God but hearing a sung sermon. Surely praise should be singing to God rather than just about Him? On the other hand, if all the songs I hear are songs that don't have any mention of Jesus or any theological truth, even if they're creative and sound nice, then that can be very unhelpful too!

So, it's important to be biblical in song, but it's good to be creative. I mean, in the bible it says 'Sing to the LORD a new song' and 'Sing to the LORD, for He is highly exalted.'

This verse from the first book to the Corinthians, addressing the subject of tongues, aptly describes what I mean by a balance of the theological and creative/spiritual.
[1 Cor 14v15]
"What am I to do? I will pray with my spirit, but I will pray with my mind also; I will also sing praise with my spirit, but I will sing with my mind also"

Calon Lân - the Power of Song

In 2006, I was with a well known baptist church from Cardiff on a weekend away up in Cefn Lea- a beautiful place up in the welsh hills. This particular time, the surrounding area was covered with snow and it was very slippery to walk around due to the icy cover! I even wrote a poem at that time because the sky was so clear and the stars were shining brightly, perfect for creative inspiration!

 'Cefn Lea: Stars' a poem by Lozi B 

I recall feeling very emotional at the time and lay down in a snowy field, alone in the dark, looking up at the numerous stars. I was suffering intensely with depression at the time and, specifically on this holiday, I remember having a massive crush on this guy who (it seemed) just didn't notice my existance! I wondered around outside that night, ambling through a big snowy field from my chalet up towards the main building, I stopped. I raised my head and stared at the stars for a very long time. (my neck hurt!) My cloak didn't do much to prevent the cold, but I stubbornly stayed anyway, even lying down in the snow (crazy lozi!). I'll be honest, I was having a right old pity party- it spiralling from thinking how this guy doesn't even see me and then I started thinking that nobody sees me, nobody cares. Blah blah blah. PITY PARTIES ARE NOT A GOOD IDEA! :) 

As a student, especcially a 1st year fresher, I was feeling intensely lonely. I didn't have friends that I had a long history with, sure I had friends, but I still felt this raw ache of isolation in my heart. I believe God was walking with me in that time, and still is, even if I couldn't see it in the moment. 

I don't remember much from this weekend, except 3 things: the snow, the stars and this song, Calon Lân...

My first encounter with this beautiful song was on one of the evenings in the main building at Cefn Lea. A girl called Cath Woolridge sang this song in welsh, and I felt very strongly that the words had some meaning to me, that maybe God wanted to speak to me prophetically through the words. So then, i found out what the words meant...

I'd not ask a life that's easy  

gold and pearls so little mean.

Rather seek a heart that's joyful,

heart that's honest, heart that's clean.

Heart that's clean and filled with virtue,

fairer far than lilies white.

Only pure hearts praise God truly,

praise Him all the day and night.

Pure heart.

Dawn and sunset, still i'm searching,

rising on a wing of song.

Give me Lord, through Christ my Saviour

that clean heart for which i long.

Heart that's clean and filled with virtue,

fairer far than lilies white.

Only pure hearts praise God truly,

praise Him all the day and night.

Pure heart.

(Here's a nicer version of the song by Only Boys Aloud:-)

After reading these words(or even before), I felt that God had placed a prayer in my heart and, at the end of that year, the Holy Spirit of the LORD came upon me in Cathays and healed me from depression. He spoke to me very clearly and it was from that point really that I can say that I took 'this God stuff' seriously. He has done so many amazing things for me, Jesus is very good.

 So, it has been a lovely reminder, hearing this song on national tv lately. There's something special about welsh male voice choirs singing hymns... 

Hebrews 12v2 

[Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, 

the author and perfecter of our 

faith]